LOLLY GIRLS.

TINKY WINKY!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

1:10 AM

I don't know how and where to start, I'm just very very very upset. It seems like nothing is going my way. What I want is just very simple. I just want an explanation from him. I just want him to tell me what the hell is going on! Is that too much to ask for? What's with the MIA and avoiding for? Seriously I don't know what to say anymore.

He's with a stupid full moon, at least thats what I think. They like each other but I'm not sure if they together or not. But at the very least he should tell me something! Its like you know someone like you and you didnt make it clear all the while. And now you found someone you like and who also likes you. So is there any slight responsibility that at the very least you should just tell the person who still likes you so that the person can just give up? Thats what I feel lah.

Even until the level of irritation, until when even I'm irritated by myself, he still has no response. Its really unfair to me. I'm always the one giving and giving. Now I'm too tired to give anymore, I have nothing left to give, I'm drained of all energy. I'm really sick and tired. Dont want to continue with this anymore. But somehow I just cant seem to stop myself from loving him despite him being such a bastard. I just cant stop my heart from aching whenever I think of him. Sometimes I really hate myself for being so stupid. I hate myself for being so persistent and everything, in the end hurting nobody but myself.

All the promises he made, it all sounded so true. I trusted him too much, and in the end he betrayed my trust. He told me after he achieved what he wanted, he will be with me again. He told me to trust him and he will not disappoint me. I mean he told me all this like 1 month ago! Should I just continue trusting him? It felt so stupid. Whatever I felt about us, about us becoming better and stuffs, it all seemed so far away. We're not even friends now. Its love or hate, lovers or enemies. The word friends will never exist in his dictionary between us.

You know what? Out of the blue he actually smsed me that day saying "Just don't fucking touch my girl". What is that supposed to mean? I'm a witch? So everyone who hangs out with me will be brainwashed by me to quit the job? So that means I'm trying ways and means to make people working under him quit so that he can never promote? To him, I'm evil. He told his ex girlfriend that I may look cute and nice on the outside, but I'm actually very evil inside (his ex gf told me that). He's the one who wanted to be friends, but is that the way you treat a normal friend? Why do I have to go through all this shit? I felt somehow all this things start with me. All the problems start with me. Its all my fault that things come to this so I deserve all this retribution?

SebasOng is so crazy and irritating when he's trying hard to keep yink. But am I just as irritating as him? I don't want to be like him. But I don't want to lost jason as well.

What girls want is just very simple. We just need someone to love us and care for us with the whole of their heart (and of coz we love them also). Everything would seem so right if things would just be like what we wanted. But all I want is even lesser than that. Just an explanation from him. Thats all..Really, I don't want anything more. Or rather, I don't dare to hope for anything more.

I'm very emotionally unstable now. And I just cant stop crying over this. Who understands the pain in me?

Without you girls, I think I really cant make it till now. Thanks for always listening to all my nonsenses and craps and always by my side when I needed someone. Thanks. I really love you girls! <3

Labels: I'm emotionally unstable. =(